Journal Entry #2

Out my window: Six inches of fresh snow yesterday, bright sun and back to cold today. -10 when I left for work this morning.

On my mind: We had a showing last night, and again no offer. Their feedback was a 3/5. :( We all worked really hard to get the house clean & tidy and thought it looked great when we left, so optimistic! Then so disappointed!

I know that God hears my prayers and knows we want/need our house to sell. And somewhere out there someone is praying about a move to our area and is looking for a house like ours - and God will answer their prayers. And someone in Arizona is praying someone will buy their house - and God will send us to answer their prayers. So many prayers need to be answered.  Somehow it will all work out in His time.

In my prayers: Thanksgiving that my sister and her husband have accepted an offer on their house. They both retired and want to move to Florida to be near his parents. His mother is blind and his father has cancer. Very happy for them! And thankful too that we all got to and from our destinations yesterday in the snow, even though both Mr. Bee & I got stuck for a time in separate cars in separate places. But we got out and got going again and safely arrived at our destinations.

In my kitchen: Rigatoni & meat sauce. Garlic bread. Salad.

Verse in my heart: Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! - Psalm 27:14

Journal Entry #1

2014 has the promise of being a very eventful year in my life and I decided to journal about it. But here it is, end of January and I haven't started writing yet. So here goes...

Out my Window: Warmer today - mid-20s. Nice after 3 days below 0. Kids back in school after 2 days off because of the wind chill.

In the Kitchen: Made White Bean Chicken Chili in the slow cooker. Menu has been heavy on soups and casseroles lately.

Reading: Tess of the d'Urbervilles (Hardy). Read it way back in high school and really didn't enjoy or understand it then and when I started to re-read it I couldn't remember what happens in the novel, but it has come back to me as I've gotten further along. Such a sad story.

Pins & Needles: I'm knitting socks for me. First time sock knitter! It's been a long time since I've made anything for me. Looking forward to wearing them. Almost done with the first one.

Thought/Verse of the day:  For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.    He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

#3

Sleep!!! 8 hours a night. Every night.

Zzzzzz Zzzzzz

Resolution #2

Drink water. 8x8

Slosh. Slosh. Slosh.

New Year's Resolution #1

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Yes, in an election year. I like a challenge.

A New Tradition?

We had a lovely Thanksgiving at my in-laws. Delicious food, great company, good times. But when it came time for desserts my youngest, Sally, asked for pumpkin pie - but sadly there wasn't any.

My in-laws, now in their 70s, were tired of eating the same old thing every Thanksgiving and served pulled-pork sandwiches, baked beans, macaroni salad, scalloped potatoes and for dessert chocolate cake or banana cream pie. As I said, the food was great, I didn't think twice about it until Sally asked for pumpkin pie. And I realized what is routine, and perhaps boring, for us is neither routine nor boring for a six year old. The smell of a roasting turkey is not an ingrained memory for her.

I can't re-do Thanksgiving. Our tradition has always been to spend it at either my parents' or Mr. Bee's parents' homes. My parents are gone too soon, and I enjoy being with my in-laws whatever they decide to serve. We will keep going there.

Christmas is a different story and I have decided to start a new chapter, beginning with Christmas dinner. Turkey, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry relish, pumpkin pie. Digging out the china, white table linen, cloth napkins, crystal candlesticks. What good does all that stuff do tucked away in cupboards? Some of it we received as wedding presents 23+ years ago and have never used!

I've never done the big dinner before. I am excited and a little nervous, but ready to start a new family tradition. I think Sally and the other kids will appreciate it someday. I'm making a memory. A good one, I hope. :-)

Christian by Grace. Lutheran by choice.

Two epiphanies in my life:

I was raised in a conservative, by-the-book United Methodist Church. When I left home I was surprised to discover that not all UMC's are the same and my home church was one of a dying breed. I starting attending a very big UMC that was nothing like the church at home. It had a praise band, three pastors, drama troop, gazillions of clubs & activities. Worship was nothing like my boring old home church. Professional musicians were regular guests and there was always something new and exciting.

I was very happy one weekend when my mom came for a visit and I could take her to my new church and show it off a bit. It was a great service featuring an oboist from the Chicago Symphony. After the service, mom looked at me and asked, "When does church start?" (Awkward pause) I answered, "That was church." And she said, "No, that was people putting on a show."

Epiphany #1: Mom was right. And I realized that what I liked about that UMC was that it was cool and I felt that by going there it made me cool too. And I also realized, that even though they were singing about Jesus, and preaching about Jesus, it wasn't about Jesus. Scripture was not the centerpiece - the performance was. We were not gathering to hear God's Word, we were gathering to be entertained by skits and musical numbers - and (worse) to see & be seen.

The second epiphany I'm thinking of happened before the first one. While in college my friend Ellen invited me to Sunday worship at her Wisconsin Synod Lutheran Church. It was the campus WELS church and the congregation was mainly college-age people like myself. The liturgy totally lost me. I felt like I was juggling the hymn book and the bulletin and had no clue what I was suppose to be doing. Even though I was a life-long church-goer it felt totally foreign. I looked around and was amazed to see there were some people who didn't use the hymnal - they knew the service by heart. One young guy even had his eyes shut.

Epiphany #2: This was true worship. There was something mystical and transcendent and authentic in that liturgical worship. A raw spiritual energy. I couldn't put a name on it, but I felt it and part of me yearned for more. However, it was several years before I returned. That's how the 2 epiphanies tie together -- after my mom made me realize how shallow my Methodist Church was, I sought out a Lutheran Church to see if liturgy was the answer. It was.

That is why my short answer to why I converted to Lutheranism is, "I came for the liturgy and stayed for the doctrine."

Mother's Day

My mom has been gone a year tomorrow. I miss her.

It was a bittersweet Mother's Day.

I've been reflecting on all of the things I learned from her. And thinking of what a good example she was of sacrifice, resilience and faith.

What I learned from my mom that is especially important in my life right now is stability. The constancy and reliability of character that is so necessary in a family. And so difficult sometimes.

Being there. With a hug. A word of encouragement. Or just conversation.

24-7-365.

That's the kind of mom she was and that is the kind of mom I hope to be.

Ideals & Idealism (a rerun in honor of the 90th Anniversary of the 19th Amendment)

[Originally posted September of 2008] My oldest has turned 18 and is preparing to vote for the very first time. She is looking carefully at the candidates and weighing her choices quite seriously. There are several local and state contests, as well as the highly publicized national election. I am proud of her and how responsible she has become. I dare say quite a few of our adult citizens could learn a lesson from her.

I've been thinking a lot lately about suffrage. I wrote a paper in high school about the women's suffrage movement. While I don't recall a single word of the essay, I do remember asking my mom if my grandmothers had marched in picket lines and if they had shared with her what it was like to vote for the very first time (they would have been 32 and 34 in 1920). To my great disappointment, my grandmothers not only didn't picket, they never voted. Not once. My teenage-self was shocked! Embarrassed! Appalled! All those big teenage emotions!

My adult-self is much more understanding.

Reality check: Some women were for women's suffrage. Some were anti-suffrage. Most were apathetic.

The anti-suffrage women were by-and-large part of a group labeled the Cult of Domesticity or Cult of True Womanhood. The domesticity cult believed "true women" would possess these four virtues:

1. Piety - women were believed to be more religious and spiritual than men

2. Purity - pure in heart, mind, and body

3. Submission - held in "perpetual childhood" where men dictated all actions and decisions

4. Domesticity - a division between work and home; men went out in the world to earn a living, home became the woman's domain where a wife created a "haven in a heartless world" for her husband and children. [source: Wikipedia]

On the flip-side the suffragettes argued that women would bring a moral voice to elections and surely with women voting, corruption and vice in politics would be eliminated. The needs of children would be women's focus.

Both sides of the issue had high ideals. The Antis painted a beautiful, romantic picture of home life. Happy and peaceful. The Suffragettes implored us to put our values into action and use our vote to improve the human condition. Make the world a better place for all.

88+ years later women are still divided. The Cult of Domesticity still exists - visit any number of the so-called "Proverbs 31 woman" sites. They remain small in number and virtually invisible to the public eye. In this election they won't vote for McCain/Palin (unless their husbands tell them to) because McCain is a moderate and they believe Palin should be home taking care of her family.


The suffragettes mutated into liberal feminism....Since I can't think of a single nice thing to say about liberal feminists, I'll say nothing at all. They won't vote for McCain/Palin because they vehemently despise McCain & Palin.


The majority, then and now, are somewhere in the middle. Just the same as my grandmothers. You see, Grandma Myrtle and Grandma Iris didn't vote because they didn't follow politics. They weren't cult of domesticity types, both were wage earners. Although the census says "homemaker" the reality was they earned money by taking in laundry, cleaning houses, and working seasonally at the canning factory. Plus they raised 11 and 10 children respectively. The majority of women have always fallen into this category. Hard working, family loving, quietly doing what needs to be done.


The ideals of the suffragettes are still alive and reside somewhere in the middle, with the women like my daughter who still believe their vote matters and they can change the world for the better from the ballot box. And perhaps she is right, perhaps her generation can succeed where the past 3 have failed miserably.

She has already succeeded in making this cynic a bit more idealistic.

N.W.O.

My fancy new scale gave me a sad wake-up call. I am what is known as Normal Weight Obese. (Insert loud, long, sad groan here).

What this means is my weight is within the norms for someone my height, and my BMI is in the normal range (22.4). But, my body fat measurement ain't what it should be. It should be mid-to-low 20s. It is 34%.

I'm like the package of bacon I wouldn't buy.

The good news is I don't need to diet. The bad news is I need to exercise.

I think I'll put up a ticker if I can find one and see how long it takes to lose 10% of the lard I'm packing.

The Solstice

MMMmmm summer!

I have discovered that I need about 8 hours of sleep at night to feel rested and ready to go the next morning. I tried to get by with seven but it just wasn't enough. If I set my alarm for 8 hrs & 15 mins from the time I climb into bed at night, then I usually wake up a few minutes before the alarm sounds in the morning-- I like that. It is a better way to start the day.

The tricky part is going to bed 8 hrs and 15 mins before the time I absolutely have to get up in order to get to work on time.

Did you know so-called Beauty Sleep is the sleep you get before midnight? I haven't been getting much of that! And Summer - glorious summer - the sun doesn't set until 9:05. The evenings are so cool and pleasant for walks or chatting on the deck with Mr. Bee or letting the kids play Ghost-in-the-Graveyard well past bedtime.

I'll catch up on my beauty sleep this fall. ;-)

Sixty Years Back In Time

I have a small collection of old books. Mostly children's books and a few women's books too. Recently I bought 2 high school text books from the 1950s at a garage sale. They are Your Marriage and Family Living (1954) and Personal Adjustment Marriage and Family Living (1950). They are more "Sociology" than "Home Economics." The photographs and illustrations are a delight! The content is sometimes surprisingly liberal and not as old fashioned as I expected.

From page 218 Your Marriage and Family Living:

In our great grandparents' time the husband was a patriarch who ruled his family and provided for it. The wife was an obedient helpmate who confined her interests to home and children. Marriage today is approaching the ideal of equality between husband and wife. By discussing problems together, sharing views, sacrificing self-interest, they try to help each other realize the goals for which each strives.

Tales From the Back of the Fridge

Life and Death Lessons

My mom passed away last week. Though I saw the end coming as her health rapidly deteriorated these last couple of months, I really wasn't ready to lose her yet.

At her funeral something about her dawned on me as the pastor spoke about Mom's life: My mom was not very religious, but my mom was very faithful.

And I realized that the way Mom lived her life personified faith, not religion. I think for the first time I understood, really understood, the difference, and I was so comforted.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.

- John 10:27-28

It was worth all the while

Word reached me this week that an old friend died. Technically he was an old boyfriend. Even more precisely, my ex-fiance.

It was a long time ago. It ended badly. My fault.

Do I regret breaking up with him?....No. I was miserable. I loved him but not the way a wife should love a husband. I didn't love him the way he loved me. I didn't love him the way he deserved to be loved -- Unconditionally.

We exchanged a few emails about 7 years ago. The last time we talked was over 25 years. Yet this has really hit me hard.

He was relatively young (mid-forties). Wife & kids. Grandbabies too.

I have an easier time accepting that I will die someday than I do accepting that my loved ones, friends, family, etc. have to go too.

Yes there are lots of comforting Bible passages for times like these. Some terrific hymns too.

But I think he'd like Green Day:

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life

My Imaginary Friends

I have tons of friends that live only in my head. I met them in books, movies, and on television. Sometimes they are lovely to be with. Sometimes scary. Always entertaining.

Harmless diversions that keep my brain company.

Leprechauns. Trolls. Goblins. The Boogieman. Mummies. Zombies. Witches and wizards. Vampires. Werewolves. Munchkins. Elves. Talking Animals. Fairies...

And dare I say unicorns and dragons too?!

Most of my friends have names: Harry Potter. Edward Cullen. Jo March. Elinor Dashwood. Jack Sparrow. Willy Wonka. Calvin & Hobbs. Patrick Star. Dorothy Gale. Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Stellaluna. Bilbo Baggins. Ariel.

Would it be a sin for me to believe in the true existence of any of these friends? After all, I can picture them. Hear them. I feel as if I know many of them.

How boring life would be without them!

So I ask - is my soul, my very salvation, at risk because I have imaginary friends??

In the Merry Old Land of Oz

I've had Oz on the brain lately :-)

There's a Party Goin' on Right Here...

Did I mention I live about 30 mins from the Xcel Energy Center where the RNC is taking place?

I am generally "politically agnostic" (by which I mean cynical), but the combination of the proximity of the convention and Sarah Palin's nomination for VP has created an upsurge my interest in politics.

I'm looking forward to Palin's speech tonight...but dread the endless campaigning that will grow progressively more sleazy in the weeks to come until the Nov election.

Hat tip to Sara for just a few of the very thought provoking Palin discussions:
Ladies Against Feminism
Adventures in Mercy
Amy's Humble Musings

It's the Favre Thing...

Death Warmed Over

I'm home sick. No, not homesick, but at home because I am sick. Flu-like illness. High fever, aches and pains, and nausea. Ick.

I thought I'd do some writing, but now I see that just isn't going to happen. I'll try again later.

I'm going back to bed.

UPDATE: At noon the phone rang, Eight year old, who was at a day camp program threw up. All over himself. I had to go pick him up. (Mr. Bee is out of town until next week. Seventeen is at work.) Not to brag or anything - but me with a temp of 102, unshowered, snarled hair in scrunchie, baggy sweatpants, flip-flops - has to walk into the building, talk to the teacher and sign him out. Ugh.

My fever broke at about 4:00, and aside from a little bit of a sore throat I'm feeling better. Now to get Eight feeling good again. His temp is 104. :-(